Trouble making friends. (Also anxiety and depression.)

[Takatofan1986]

I hope this is okay...

Short version of a rant I won't go into again: I got dumped a month ago after a 13 year relationship.

I absolutely miss him, and will be really hard getting over him...

But I think one of the two biggest reasons I'm struggling SO much is that I just feel lost now. We spent SO much time together. It was long distance, and even across continents. (But we visited each other several times a year.) Because of the time difference, we spent 2-4 hours a day together weekdays, in the middle of the day for me, and from the time I woke up, to around 4 PM on the weekends.

My mom, trying to be helpful, says "But you sat in front of the computer all that time every day, why is it different?" Well... it is. When you have someone there for you a lot of the time.

Before I met him I had lots of other friends online, but over the years most of them have moved on, and spent less time online, which I understand, and now I'm down to just a few, a couple that we just exchange emails once in a while, and one that actually calls me but... is on some meds that... some days we have great conversations, and other days he just rambles for two hours and doesn't even ask me how I'm doing. (...That was freaky... right when I finished typing that, he called me...)

I'm depressed because of everything, and I have social anxiety anyway... I actually have a rare medical condition that... I look different. If you saw me and didn't know, you'd think I was slow... and most people offline do. So I really wish I could make friends offline, but I don't even know how to start. (I don't work because of a bad foot, and I live in a small town and can't find a sit down job, and I think they don't give me a chance because of how I look.)

Social Media feels so impersonal to me. I could never make friends there. I miss the days of message boards booming. I try discord, but I feel awkward there too, and if you do say something it gets lost after a few seconds.

I used to write stories on Fanfiction.net but the few 'fans' I used to have have moved on with their life too, and the couple times in the last couple years I posted stories there, no one read them. (That's actually how I met my ex.)

So my main question is... do you guys actively make friends online? How? Is it just social media and I just don't 'get' it? Is there any other way?

 

[TMS]

God knows I'm no expert on making friends (I have friends, but that's no thanks to my own efforts), but I've met a number of people through the forum and its Discord that, although I've never met them, could be considered friends. It's mostly just up to chance whether you hit it off with someone or not, and find you enjoy having virtual conversations with them about shared interests. Sure, conversations on Discord and other chat services are relatively ephemeral compared to forums, but that's how friendships are in the real world, too. If I want to remember an in-person conversation I had with one of my friends, I have to rely on memory, since it's (probably) not recorded anywhere.

 

[Digiforlife]

I never expected to make friends when I first joined this forum but over time I became more active and contributed my own views on various discussions thread I ended up making quite a few friends which totally surprised me since I was also struggling with depression and grief back then. I guess just be natural and active in discussions would probably have the best chance in making new friends. Also try to notice anyone who lives in the same country as you would help too since you can end up meeting them in person

 

[Takatofan1986]

God knows I'm no expert on making friends (I have friends, but that's no thanks to my own efforts), but I've met a number of people through the forum and its Discord that, although I've never met them, could be considered friends. It's mostly just up to chance whether you hit it off with someone or not, and find you enjoy having virtual conversations with them about shared interests. Sure, conversations on Discord and other chat services are relatively ephemeral compared to forums, but that's how friendships are in the real world, too. If I want to remember an in-person conversation I had with one of my friends, I have to rely on memory, since it's (probably) not recorded anywhere.

Thank you! Yeah, and I meant to say that, I was here and very active in the late 00's and made lots of friends, but message boards just aren't as active anymore, unfortunately. Maybe I should try harder on Discord sometimes. Btw, I'm from Ohio too, just saying!

I never expected to make friends when I first joined this forum but over time I became more active and contributed my own views on various discussions thread I ended up making quite a few friends which totally surprised me since I was also struggling with depression and grief back then. I guess just be natural and active in discussions would probably have the best chance in making new friends. Also try to notice anyone who lives in the same country as you would help too since you can end up meeting them in person

Thank you. I'm glad you were able to make friends here.

 

[AquaKai]

Is it just social media and I just don't 'get' it?

I'm not able to help you much, but one thing I can say: don't ever believe those who wants to make you think social media is the way and it's you who doesn't get them.
Social media are made for inflating one's ego, to exalt the self; they're the first tool in a society of appearances, they are not a good way to make real friends.

 

[Takatofan1986]

Is it just social media and I just don't 'get' it?

I'm not able to help you much, but one thing I can say: don't ever believe those who wants to make you think social media is the way and it's you who doesn't get them.
Social media are made for inflating one's ego, to exalt the self; they're the first tool in a society of appearances, they are not a good way to make real friends.

Thank you! Yeah, that's kinda how I feel about it.

 

[BladeSabre]

If you're in a Discord group where things you say get lost after a few seconds, that must be a busy one, and it's like being in a large crowd, so I guess you're more likely to make friends in a smaller one.

More than just being on a forum/Discord to discuss a common interest, I find it helps to be working on something together. In the Digimon community, I've cooperated with other people in researching how the v-pets behave, writing guides, and building electronics and software that interact with them.

Or if you make something by yourself that people appreciate and put it online, having fans is a good start - people know you exist and have a good impression of you and something they can relate to you on.

Hey, we have almost the same WtW join date!