Lonely

Takatofan1986

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(I hope it's okay to post this here, but it seems to be okay, judging other posts.)

I have been a member here since before the forum reset in 06, but I dissapeared for a while.

I am a 28 year old guy, and I have a lot of issues. One of the biggest things is I have a very rare condition called Mobious Syndrome. Basically, my face is crooked. My mind is fine, but... if you looked at me, you would assume there was something wrong, and most do. Only had one friend most of school, and they only came around when they were really bored or wanted something. When I was working, I finally made a couple friends at one point, that we would actually go and do things. It didn't last that long, but it was awesome while it lasted.

I DO have a boyfriend, but even though we've been together 6 years, he still hasn't moved here, he visits, but on most days I only get to see him about 3 hours a day, and those 3 hours I am on cloud 9, but the rest of the day I get sad, lonely, bored, and depressed really easily.

The other big issue I have is Aspburgers - it's a autism spectrum disorder, and I get obsessed with things, IE Digimon. But also TV in general, Anime and Music too. The other part of this is that I'm socially awkward, and don't know how to act around people, and then when people do talk to me, I get really paranoid that I am annoying them, and stop talking to them.

With the aspburgers, it causes a few problems now at my age. First of all, my obsessions are stuck in the past. I would rather rematch anime and tv shows I have watched a million times over. I mean... I am SURE I have watched Tamers at LEAST 100 times, and I'm not even exaggerating. Same thing with the show Friends.

I used to have a lot of online friends. Even when I would lose one or two I would find another. A few stuck with me for many many years, but I'm down to one close friend online that isn't my boyfriend... But he has issues and focuses on himself, not a balanced friendship.

My oooold best friend would tell me what anime to watch, and he would... usually steer me the right direction, some great anime I wouldn't have went near without him. (Seriously: Yakitate!! Japan, watch it!!!) But somehow without that direction I generally don't watch a lot new, though I have taken a few chances lately and found a couple interesting shows, but that doesn't happen that often.

I feel like I do just about the same things that I used to, but, I just don't find friends like I used to. Another issue I have is, at my age, I would feel weird talking to, teenagers for example, so I am afraid to reach out to people especially in this fandom because, I know there are many like me that have stuck with Digimon and are older, but I know there is also a younger audience.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. If anyone reads this and wants to PM me or anything, I welcome that, but I am assuming this was just weird, and I'm sorry for that. I hope I didn't break any rules or anything.

Thanks for reading.
 
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TMS

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I'm afraid I don't have much to say in response. Though I don't have many friends, and don't see those often, I'm not very subject to loneliness myself. But, to respond to something inessential, if you want to watch some new anime, you could always try some of the ones suggested by Marc for the Tri leadup (assuming you haven't watched them all already).
 

Takatofan1986

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Thank you, I really should check those out!
 

Mittenmon

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(I hope it's okay to post this here, but it seems to be okay, judging other posts.)

I have been a member here since before the forum reset in 06, but I dissapeared for a while.

I am a 28 year old guy, and I have a lot of issues. One of the biggest things is I have a very rare condition called Mobious Syndrome. Basically, my face is crooked. My mind is fine, but... if you looked at me, you would assume there was something wrong, and most do. Only had one friend most of school, and they only came around when they were really bored or wanted something. When I was working, I finally made a couple friends at one point, that we would actually go and do things. It didn't last that long, but it was awesome while it lasted.

I DO have a boyfriend, but even though we've been together 6 years, he still hasn't moved here, he visits, but on most days I only get to see him about 3 hours a day, and those 3 hours I am on cloud 9, but the rest of the day I get sad, lonely, bored, and depressed really easily.

The other big issue I have is Aspburgers - it's a autism spectrum disorder, and I get obsessed with things, IE Digimon. But also TV in general, Anime and Music too. The other part of this is that I'm socially awkward, and don't know how to act around people, and then when people do talk to me, I get really paranoid that I am annoying them, and stop talking to them.

With the aspburgers, it causes a few problems now at my age. First of all, my obsessions are stuck in the past. I would rather rematch anime and tv shows I have watched a million times over. I mean... I am SURE I have watched Tamers at LEAST 100 times, and I'm not even exaggerating. Same thing with the show Friends.

I used to have a lot of online friends. Even when I would lose one or two I would find another. A few stuck with me for many many years, but I'm down to one close friend online that isn't my boyfriend... But he has issues and focuses on himself, not a balanced friendship.

My oooold best friend would tell me what anime to watch, and he would... usually steer me the right direction, some great anime I wouldn't have went near without him. (Seriously: Yakitate!! Japan, watch it!!!) But somehow without that direction I generally don't watch a lot new, though I have taken a few chances lately and found a couple interesting shows, but that doesn't happen that often.

I feel like I do just about the same things that I used to, but, I just don't find friends like I used to. Another issue I have is, at my age, I would feel weird talking to, teenagers for example, so I am afraid to reach out to people especially in this fandom because, I know there are many like me that have stuck with Digimon and are older, but I know there is also a younger audience.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. If anyone reads this and wants to PM me or anything, I welcome that, but I am assuming this was just weird, and I'm sorry for that. I hope I didn't break any rules or anything.

Thanks for reading.
I think i've seen you around. I've been a member since the forums reset as well, so i've been around...silently watching most of the time. Like you i'm socially awkward, but I was never officially diagnosed with Aspergers or anything like that because I was raised in a religious background where my parents "didn't believe" in that kind of thing, was homeschooled, and lived in a small town nobody has ever heard of because it's not even on a map. When I finally did decide to go to public school to get some "real" education and some social experience, I was ridiculed and bullied relentlessly all through high school. I don't have many friends, and my interests are pretty stuck in the past also. We have a lot in common I think. I'm 27 and barely feeling like i'm starting to live my life. My wife and I have been having quite a few problems lately, but we're slowly working through them. I also just lost my job, and its hard to get any kind of support from my family because they don't understand me and they don't respect my marriage. Life can be hard, I feel you. Hang in there though. Don't lose sight of who you are.
 

Lhikan634

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I'm somewhat aware of that syndrome. At the risk of sounding like a psychologist (warning: no formal training), I do wonder if some of the loneliness is from self-perception? One thing that may or may not help is whether you dress plainly or sharply/modern. If you were to dress a bit on the sharp side, that may help to boost confidence a bit and through that make people a bit more likely to interact. Or, on the other hand, you might end up feeling a bit more like initiating interaction.

One thing I do know is that personal interaction is completely different than online interaction. Are there any organizations or groups you're interested in where you are or some form of community / small group events? Maybe smaller groups that might be less likely to make you feel awkward, or even a cheap-but-patient counselor/therapist who could help in working through social interactions?

I ask about those since I deal with some different issues (including what's looking to be general anxiety and depression). I'm quite the introvert at times as well, so I sometimes have to force myself to be social as that seems to help with the depression issue. Especially if I'm with one of my closer friends where we end up having deep conversations and all. I've found that just being able to open up to them a bit about what goes on internally has been a major help.
 

MarcFBR

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Lots of various issues from various people cropped up here.

I'll take some of the more basic ones for now, as I'm not a psychiatrist (although I do appear to play one a lot.)

TMS already mentioned jumping into the 'watching stuff in the leadup to tri' and I've actually gone to great lengths to make it stuff that is available freely. Unfortunately I can't do that for every country, but at least for the USA, I go to great lengths to choose stuff everyone can watch without paying a cent (there are shows I'd REALLY have loved to do but they are on Netflix, or Hulu Plus, etc.)

As for wanting to talk to Digimon fans and not knowing 'how' or 'who' the best, try hanging out in the chatroom, it isn't often busy, but we do have some great conversations, and getting acclimated to it prior to tri coming out will likely help.

While the advice was more specific to Takatofan1986, it was meant and applies to anyone feeling a bit lonely. There's always someone to talk to, just a matter of finding them.
 

Takatofan1986

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Mittenmon: Thank you! I am sorry that you deal with a lot of the same issues I have. I will send you a PM in a bit. :)

Lhikan: Sefl perception is defenately a factor. As with my Mobious syndrome, I always feel like I am being looked down or judged, quite possibly when they are not judging me at all, I do need to work on that. I have tried to seek out group activities... but I guess not recently now that you mention it, I really should try again. I know what it is like to want to have friends to open up to, and how good that can make you feel. If you ever need someone to talk to, I would be happy to. :)

MarcFBR: Thank you for the hard work you are doing for the weekly lead up! But right now I am recovering from foot surgery, and have to stay at my moms, and she has a stupid Data plan, and so I cant stream anything D: But I will look into that whenever I am able to go back home. Oh wow, I don't try the chat that often but usually when I do it is pretty dead. I should try more often though, see what happens :) Thanks alot guys, I have found a few friends already and maybe I just found a few more, and it really helps. You guys are awesome!

dit: And why do my posts never show line breaks? D:
 

TMS

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The chat is dead most of the time, but the best way to fix that is to start a conversation. It may take a while for people to notice, but if you leave it open a while someone will probably respond.
 

Spongebond

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All I can say if you ever just want to talk PM me. I don't have solutions or great advice but I am a good listener.
 

Monox D. I-Fly

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I am a loner as well, though it's not my own wish. Years ago, I Googled a site which might contained people like us and found it. It's called Web of Loneliness. Many loners and outcasts are gathered there, and they support each other to solve their issues. I'm also a member there thought not as active as here. If providing links in a post is allowed, I would like to do so.
 

TMS

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Providing links is fine.
 

Monox D. I-Fly

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You are welcome. It has been a long time since the last time I logged in there. Might visit them again.
 

DazzleDream

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Hey there, I just wanted to add some extra words of support as another person with few friends. In my case it was down to bullying as a child which left me extremely shy, and I also find it difficult to know what to say to people unless I know them well.
I know its been mentioned, and I would really second the idea of looking for local groups or clubs as they are a good way to meet people. It doesn't even have to be anything really official; I have been able to make a few friends just from joining some of the others in my office in a small syndicate. (We really focus on in jokes and weekly songs though-the lottery is only a small part for us.) If there is anything that catches your interest, I'd really suggest giving it a try.

Other than that are there any new activities you might like to try? When I've been lonely or depressed, I've found trying new things I've considered before can really lift my mood. Its something that's actually helping me a lot at the moment as I'm recovering from some really bad anxiety issues I had over the Summer. Even if its just a branch off of one of your existing hobbies, it can have very positive results, and could potentially help you meet others as well.

Other than that, I'm always happy to listen as well. Sorry if this seemed strange coming from someone new-I'm no real expert, but felt like I should offer some words of encouragement.
 

flintlock

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I am on the autism spectrum too. I have a lot of the same issues as you do. I can even relate to how you feel about without direction you find it hard to watch new things. I haven't listened to any new bands or music in years besides videogame and movie osts because I always relied on other people to be exposed to things. You don't need to be paranoid about how you sound, because if you know how to be polite you're automatically being socially appropriate I think. At least, from what you've written it sounds like you understand more than you realize. I'm sorry I can't write more but it's late here. I might write more about autism or something in a thread here myself since things have been going really badly for me too.
 

Takatofan1986

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DazzleDream: Thank you! I really should try harder to get involved with things, it's just hard to put myself out there, but I really need to, or else nothing will change. (I am recovering from foot surgery atm though so I can't do anything about it atm.)

flintlock: Thank you! I am sorry that you have to deal with the same things I do. I would love to talk to you, if you ever want an ear, or a friend. :)
 

kkanbara

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I wish I knew what you were going through; I know blocks of text aren't 100% effective at conveying emotions. I am very sorry to hear about all your pain though. I'm not on the spectrum but I do struggle with my own mental health incapacities and it's no walk in the park. I get that a lot of people don't get it. And I do get that it totally sucks.

In the way of other anime recommendations, I'm watching Gurren Lagann and I really like it so far. I'm on episode 15/27 -- over just one day. Oops. -- and it's quite good. I'm pretty reluctant to try new animes too because I'm just worried I hold other animes to too high a standard because nothing can compare to Digimon in my mind but this is one I recommend. My brother persisted I watch this and I gave in. I don't regret it.

I hope that helps, but I totally get it if not. As said by a lot of different people in a lot of different ways above me, I would be happy to help in any way I can.
 

Takatofan1986

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Thank you, they really do help though. I'm sorry about your issues. :( If you ever need/want to talk, I'm here, or if you want a friend. :)

I looked up GL, and it looks really good! I'm going to give it a try, thank you!
 

Guilmon'sHomie

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I was just dropping a post to see how yah doing. I only recently joined up on , mostly to fart around and post anything new I'm trying to write. I came across this thread and I feel like you do at times. I'm pretty much the same way socially with people. I'm an awkward guy, most of the time I just stand around and listen to conversations and may try to add something in, but I feel like I'm just being in the way. It also doesn't seem to help that really I can stand interaction with people for so long. I mean I used to go out with the few friends I have, but after a while I'd want to just go home despite them wanting me to stay out longer.

I'm 33 myself and I find myself not really getting into anything new, Imusic, movies, games etc. I obsess like you one something, now I'm back into Tamers so that's what I'm going crazy over till I run out of interest or steam. Heck I'm still playing Skyrim, and haven't gotten a new game in years. But I hope your doing ok, this thread is a year old so. here's hoping.
 
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