Lhikan634: Life and Mental Vacations

Lhikan634

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During this coming week, I won't be on the WtW forums for a number of reasons. I've been feeling totally overworked at school. Got the equivalent of 4 college classes with a 7-period high school schedule, which is just brutal when I have a research paper due in English 2301 as well as 2 smaller essays and reading parts of Paradise Lost (that thing is long…), an AP calculus test over an 8-section chapter, a 2-chapter test the next week in AP bio, and a research paper coming up in Bible Apologetics as well. And this isn't including my 2 "regular" classes and the test in Economics I have next Tuesday. I've been really tired in class some days and was barely able to focus on English on Thursday. I'm trying to ease off on some things this week so I can enjoy Thanksgiving break and not just be dead-tired.

I also have a lot of things on my mind. Politics, junk going on in my youth group that shouldn't be happening, and non-academic stuff at school. I think I really need a mental and physical break. I also want to completely regain my sanity and the like.

See you afterwards.
 
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Lhikan634

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Re: Lhikan634, Life, and Mental Vacations…

So, I'll again be out of touch from here for a while as I start my third semester of college (I'm not even bothering to mention classification since there's several answers to that… ::)). And I so need a mental break from everything now… ¬.¬

After finally being able to move about 600+ MB off of my laptop machine onto CD, which has taken me a couple weeks of time just sorting the dang things, I decided to make labels for them. My dad read some stupid article so now he's completely paranoid about using Sharpie on a CD (which is perfectly fine…). The labels would be made from a template which he designed. And yet the stupid thing has been unable to print out even half decently, always off-centered or some funky sizing…

As I write this, it's 3:20 AM… not exactly a time foreign to me, but still later than I need to be awake…

I've basically been unable to do much for relaxation during the week since I have a time crunch on all this: I leave back for college tomorrow at noon. Well, technically today ::)

The printer and computer would be getting the death-glare from me if I had the energy left. Strangely enough, there's a hammer just outside my room now…


I may actually begin to use my thread again, for psychiatric help lol! >:D
@.@
 

Lhikan634

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Oh, wow, it's been a long time.

My past few years have been really hectic as there was a lot of drama within my department at college. I've also had a lot to deal with in some of my other online circles, where I've recently become the head of my team (which has been a fair majority of my spare time the past few years as we've been making transitions). I also have since been graduated.

That being said, I do apologize to those who were following my Digimon: Time Collapse installations as I honestly haven't had the time to do any writing lately.

I'm honestly not sure how active I'll become, but it's good to still see some familiar faces around here : )
 

Rexanimon

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Oh, wow, it's been a long time.

That being said, I do apologize to those who were following my Digimon: Time Collapse installations as I honestly haven't had the time to do any writing lately.
As one of the fans of the fanfic, I'm glad to see you're back!
 

Lhikan634

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So… I've finally been working with grad school. In my semester off between undergrad and grad, I've gained more evidence towards something I've suspected for about a decade but hoped wasn't the case: depression.

I've been diagnosed for over a decade with the related issue of anxiety disorder. But I've also noticed that episodes have been getting stronger and more characteristic of depression. Probably the worst I've had was during my semester off. Due to not having sufficient funds of my own, I had to go back to my parents temporarily.

I had very close to a whole semester with barely any time between episodes. They got bad enough that I was close to giving up on starting grad school since a major trigger was having to deal with parents on that. Long story short, my parents were making it impossible for me to make any progress to get things in line and done in the required order (and anything needing physical moving was blocked in by hoarded, unused items). All the while, the episodes were knocking my sleep cycle off like a 10.0-magnitude earthquake.

So that's made this semester interesting since my sleep cycle still hasn't recovered completely. At least I do have decent space now and can actually do some working out from my apartment room. The annoying thing is that I don't seem to completely bounce back from depressional episodes until well after the fact. Being away at grad school, I'm away from my primary doctor who has all of my files and probably tons of other mental notes.

In other news, I finally changed up my Sig from the past one with my LCD's for the DMA. I've got several admin projects running at the sites I admin at, so I've been quite busy between that and classes. When I get through my major project, I'm considering starting back with Time Collapse.
 

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Good luck with your depression. I know it's no fun, but hopefully you'll continue to improve.
 

Lhikan634

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Thanks, I'm just glad I'm out of that episode. Heightened stress + no space + no outlet + little alone time… definitely all factors that have been eliminated or altered with moving back out for grad school. Major episodes have been getting further apart but also longer (thus stronger).

Probably one of the hardest things is that, during the fact, it's really hard to get thoughts together to get up some sort of "this is how I feel… this is what causes me to feel… experience says that if this is done, I won't feel…" dialogue. Well, unless "I feel BLAAARGHSDHFJKAKLLKJSDKLF" is considered…

I guess the second most difficult thing is dealing with it as a Christian. There really aren't many Christians that understand the emotional effects, both immediate and long-term (especially considering that some practically consider it a sin not to be happy-giddy 24/7). I took my undergrad in a smaller town, and I'm positive that half of the native Christians there would have sworn that depression is some type of "demonic possession" instead of a mental issue. If I didn't mention it, this was a small town in the Southern US​.

I've previously opened up with a few people I've known for a number of years. I've been more open recently - I think a portion of that has been with increased knowledge about what's going on within my brain (can't say my bio courses have been useless, haha).
 

Lhikan634

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So, the general ruling is that I probably will not be able to continue Time Collapse during the school years as I end up having a lot more time-consuming lab experiments. I may try to get some work done on it during the summer.

Luckily, I've been able to keep coursework and all balanced. But let me tell you, the effects of those episodes can still be felt nearly a semester later even if they're no longer on the forefront.
 

Lhikan634

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So, after the residual effects of that episode lasted longer than what should be normal, last semester I ended up working with the university's counseling services to test my hypothesis that it was depression. In the end, the diagnosis was that indeed it is depression.

This is a bit of an awkward result - it's not a positive result but at the same time I ended being correct on my suspicions (though my parents had mentally ruled it out as a possibility). I mean, seriously, self-diagnosis is rarely so accurate. Ever the scientist, I've done quite a load of research on the literature regarding the disorder. I'm positive, only a scientist would actually be intrigued by depression. I'm even taking a research course this semester where the paper I'm looking to present involves the associated genetics.

With this knowledge, I'm also looking at better ways to keep things balanced. I mean, heck, I'm seeing how both anxiety and depression affected my first post in this thread. So I'm trying to change up a few things:

• Being a bit more open, particularly around those care to listen, about how I'm feeling and just depression in general
• Making sure I have some cheap but useful workout equipment at my apartment (exercise can help in chemical balance)
• Hopefully getting a sleep cycle that doesn't make me look like I'm trying to go nocturnal…
• Generally making sure I can set aside time for the non-university stuff I really enjoy, like writing and drawing
 

Lhikan634

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Wow, over a year since posts. This has been quite the rollercoaster of a year, to be honest.

So, one thing that ended up lasting over a semester was quite the battle with a pathetic excuse for a landlord. I'd had several major maintenance issues (all health-affecting) go completely ignored at my old apartment. Maintenance claimed it was fixed without doing anything; management ignored several attempts to contact them (both by myself and relevant health inspection). This should have been an open-and-shut case against them, except that the forms of communication the apartment accepts all "happen" to be those which leave little enforceable evidence. As it's university-affiliated, I'm still hoping that university administration / enforcement staff can find something to use against the apartments - and frankly, it seems that the university's trying to get them on something already. But at this point, my only option was to lease a second apartment at another complex (while keeping an eye out for signs of the likes of double-leasing). Definitely not something that's good to pair with depression. I ended up losing over a semester's worth of potential research while trying in vain to get appropriate living conditions. So, yeah, moving's helped a lot, but it still feels like I'm way behind where I need to be.

Within this year, I've also had some interesting adventures with the German Digimon Wiki. It began by finding a ton of my artwork had been stolen by one of their ex-admins. Eventually, I began to help them with some fact-checking and checking dub names. I was taken on ad a sort of interim admin / janitor to help sort issues of copyright and factuality, but eventually found that a lot of the issues stemmed back not only to that ex-admin who'd taken my work but also to one of the more recent admins. Said admin basically threw a hissy fit that his "contributions" were flagged as being unfactual and tried to claim I was the one adding fake info (apparently not realizing how a wiki's history pages work). Anyways, he also got staff attention over pirated content. Anyways, the wiki is in some dire need of contributors who speak German and are familiar with Digimon (as thus far, it's only been one or the other for editors).

I've had the pleasure of teaching my favorite lab at the university two years in a row, which has been pretty cool. Sadly, the university references are way dated, so I've had to put in a lot of effort each year in fact-checking materials. Somehow, though, I keep finding materials that have been blatantly plagiarized - by senior science majors, of all things. We also have one prof in the department who's really been mis-training them (botching mathematical constants, unable to do basic math, having his students violate university lab protocol when using my lab, interrupting exams…). The first year, I was convinced by some faculty members to let these issues slide; that definitely won't be happening this semester as I've caught plagiarized material not just on routine assignments but also on the midterm exam (as well as on a semester project, but that was caught in the summer after the first bunch had already been graduated so would have been even more administrative hoops to jump through).

In terms of my research, I haven't gotten much further than deciding on my methods. Actually running the data hasn't occurred yet due to time constraints on other issues. Though I have figured out at least one cause of past issues within my focus taxa, so that should give some good progress. I need to have a test sample run with a deadline of the end of the month, which will be quite the deadline along with course grading. It shouldn't be too daunting once I'm able to get to working on it as I've basically inspected all of my specimens already (just not without that all-official set of statistics).
 
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