Digimon Fanfic by Amnaeal

Theigno

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That… was surprisingly more readable than one would expect from fanfiction not to mention one written on short notice.

There are some very interesting aspects to the story and characters here that are not without their charm. Mugendramon/Machinedramon (I'll abandon the dub name from here on as usual lol) is shown to be in a very interesting situation. That he himself invents is own follows establishes him as something beyond Analogman's weapon and property, he is himself a master to his creations and seemingly a better one that Analogman himself. There is certainly much to say about the courtesy and kindness he seems to extend, at least in a very basic way, to his own tools. One could point out the contradiction, the hypocrisy of is character when he later showcases merciless and casual indifference to human life. It is also possible that he projects his own wishes in his actions, allowing his subordinates the respect and gratefulness he secretly wants from his own master.
It's all quite nice, but there are things to criticise.

The choice of using parentheses instead of quotation marks is strange to say the least. It gives the dialogue a very strange feel, as if (due to the parenthesis’s role of separating their contents from the rest of the text) their communication happens on another narrative level, or through some sort of telepathy, or was written by a LISP programmer. For many lines, which seem to be internal dialogue no indicator would technically be needed at all.

That a Mugendramon would use a laptop for anything seems strange, since he himself is a supercomputer and wouldn’t really gain much of an advantage from using an external device.
It would make more sense if he plugged himself directly into whatever data source the laptop used and use his own integrated processing capabilities. This would also make the insertion of the somewhat overly convenient Beam ability unnecessary, which is one of very few obviously made up plot devices in the Story. Not that the made up part is intrinsically bad but just in terms of the narrative it is not a well executed plot device: since it is not well explained, its special abilities are not exactly used for any sort of payoff (one would assume that the “unhackability” would play into the plot somehow) even though it is presented as a very clunky chunk of exposition in the main part of the text which is something that should, if at all, be reserved for the most pressing aspects of a situation.
In short, the artificial and important seeming inclusion of this ability, which seems hardly necessary in the first place, is not justified by what the story actually does with it and ends up merely impeding the flow of the narrative.
If it’s main dramatic reason for its inclusion was to showcase the technological superiority of Mugendramon, the same could basically be done by assigning the attribute of not being hackable to his internal electric brain instead.

Lastly the references to devolution seemed a bit out of place considering the implied context as Digimon freely evolving and devolving is not generally something Digimon are capable of in DW1 style settings, in fact just like irreversibility of evolution is a core aspects of the gameplay, I feel that keeping these sorts of rules intact would make the story feel more authentic in connection with its source material.

Other than that, while some spelling errors ("take's the food", "went quite", "toke me with you") and some redundant phrases ("the fire department arrived to put out the fire", "pondering many things in his mind") stick out, and one passage is told is suddenly written in past tense for no reason, the overall prose works fine.
 

Amnaeal

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GODDAMMIT!!!! this has not been a good day for me!
God I'm mortified!! >_<
I can't believe you actually did read this crap! AND paid attention!! I'm torn between surprise and a desire to commit suicide..
in my defense:
1-i was forced to write this story in a limited time.
2-I admit Grammar is my greatest weakness "god bless auto spelling ..sometimes"
3-as for parentheses I used them to separate Dialogue from narration, I used commas and parentheses and other things out of nervousness like a reflex it just came out that way.
4-Mugendramon lol , maybe I should have used the word "degenerate" from the Digimon Dusk & Dawn game but the word Degenerate felt negative, I don't think you should question the "logic" of a show that turns a cat into an angelic Striper or a school girl into a half naked teen butterfly.

finally I guess I was subconsciously keeping that story in the back of my mind, this whole thing was kinda rushed I'm surprised it can be read and I made it while being completely embarrassed, and I'm just some guy NOT Shakespeare.
 

Theigno

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I can't believe you actually did read this crap! AND paid attention!! I'm torn between surprise and a desire to commit suicide..
Well, there’s nothing that makes a text more enticing to read than a warning that you shouldn’t read it. It would have been even better if the warning had been issued by the government or by a major religious organization. But maybe next time.

3-as for parentheses I used them to separate Dialogue from narration, I used commas and parentheses and other things out of nervousness like a reflex it just came out that way.
I would say less is more in that regard. Generally you can trust your readership more than you think, there are even novelists, José Saramago and Cormac McCarthy come to mind, that do not delimit their dialogue in any way from the narration. It takes talent to take it to that extreme and remain readable but the point is that there is no need to nervously overcompensate.

maybe I should have used the word "degenerate" from the Digimon Dusk & Dawn game but the word Degenerate felt negative
The terminology wasn’t really the issue. Rather the ability itself, to randomly change to a lower level doesn’t really fit with the context of DW1.

I'm just some guy NOT Shakespeare.
On the contrary, Shakespeare was just some guy as well. And of course there are historians claiming that not even Shakespeare was actually Shakespeare.

I don't think you should question the "logic" of a show that turns a cat into an angelic Striper or a school girl into a half naked teen butterfly.
This is where I completely disagree.
Imagine a person who knows nothing but Tennis and is completely unaware of the concept of Soccer. And then without any context he is shown a Soccer match, he would for a while believe that he was witnessing madness. Why are the ball and the field so large? Why are there 20 players too many? How dare they hit the ball with their feet and don’t even bring rackets? Clearly this is a completely and utterly indecipherable and absolutely incoherent scenario.
But of course it’s not actually incoherent. Football uses the ball, the field and the players differently than Tennis does but that does not in any way imply that football cannot have consistent rules because of tennis.

So if the concept of cats and angels is used in a different concept within the structural system described by the franchise of Digimon than it is used in our reality, this has no relevance to the logical validity of either system involved, especially as the premise of “Digimon” does not specifically promise to recreate reality as we know it with identical rules. So complaining that the rules are different is pointless.

One could point out that the usage of “cat” and “angel” in Digimon seems very arbitrary. Sure. But arbitrariness does not imply automatically that something is nonsensical.
The Letter “A” is nothing but an arbitrary figure of lines with no intrinsic meaning. The universe didn’t inherently associate it with any sound. Yet, through the complex messy progress of history that specific sign was arbitrarily assigned to a specific sound in our culture, while in other cultures the same sound is assigned to another arbitrary sign. Does that discredit the usage of “A” in communication? Could you just any other symbol if you wanted? Clearly not without causing considerable confusion.
The very fact you can read what I write is proof that a completely coherent sensible system can arise out of an arbitrarily defined set of symbols and predictable rules concerning their arrangement as well as the arrangement of these arrangements.

And of course Digimon has its own rules, its own predictable arrangements and its own relationships between specific concepts.
The transition of cat to angel is associated with the concept of “Evolution” again defined in the context of the franchise. The appearance and abilities of the angel are defined in certain ways, and so are the cat’s.
The Event of evolution is furthermore commonly associated with specific situations; Fights, the presence of a human, some sort of energy influx, and so on and so forth. The information communicated through these events and concepts, no matter how alien they seem to our own environment, nevertheless paints a picture that is decipherable by human intellect. A truly illogical system could not achieve that, all information it could contain would have to amount to overall featureless noise, which is not the case for Digimon otherwise there could hardly be years worth of more or less sensible discussion about it be possible on this very forum.
In conclusion, Digimon has defined its own rules and logic and, arbitrary as they are, over time they have been imbued with significance, so if a narrative does not conform to this established logic it should absolutely be questioned.
 

Amnaeal

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I think your reading too much into a fanfic that was spawned from a bet, it's not like it's going to be an official novel it's just a fanfic..but oh well I'm going to touch on two things that I think you see as bad "even though I was hoping you'd figure it out"

1-The "Beam" :
Did it not occur to you that Analogman is a regular human who has the ability to control other Digimon with his laptop? why would Mugendramon jeopardize his safety by tethering himself directly to PC or network Even if 80% of human technology can't affect/hack him, if Analogman can control Digimon wouldn't it mean there are other humans who are capable of the same thing? oh and considering in DW1 there was a 100 years war b/ Digimons & Humans I'd say it's very likely. Oh and I never Stated that he was "unhackable" , and who knows the "hacker" could even be Digimon.. WITH a Hacker for a partner.
I'll let you imagine the the other risks I couldn't think of.

2-The "Devolve/Degenerate" :
Buddy This Digimon, ANY kind Of Evolution IS Possible.
And Considering Recent Anime adaptations "Which Border on Blasphemy against Digivolution And By Extension the Franchise" Like (Frontier - Xross Wars) I'd say you could let me slide with a "Spontaneous Digivolution/Degeneration"
But If You Can't, We Could Say That Mugendramon Is "Special" and he Found a way/Skill To Control His Evolution, or invented a Machine that helped with his Energy Output/Input and Somehow it Gave Him That ability.
Oh I Wasn't Using DW1 Evolution "Yard Stick" I was Using The Entire Franchise's Evolution "Although it's Pretty Broad I admit" ..

Hope That Helped :)
Oh BTW Don't Lump me Together With Writers/Novelists Like Shakespeare, I'm Not even good at making a decent fanfic nor do I aspire to be a novelist, I basically mimicked/Imitated stuff I read, and I'm Horrible at grammar and all over the place.
So Please Don't Read Too Much Into It or Hype This Out of Proportion.
 
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