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Thread: Digimon Fanfic by Amnaeal

  1. #1
    Ain't got no mojo... Amnaeal's Avatar
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    Digimon Fanfic by Amnaeal

    NOTE: Don't take this seriously I wrote this cuz I lost a bet and this the "best" option out of 3, also i wrote this in a rush.
    Digimon Story: A's Breakfast
    He is currently sitting on the bed which he slept on, he stands up and begins to stretch his body to get himself energized, suddenly a voice calls to him..
    (good morning sir! I hope you slept well?)
    The sound came from a huge machine that seems to have arms and legs with Red glowing eyes and a head which can strike horror in many hearts, it's design resembling a machine of war, however the metal it's entire body is made of is covered in a beautiful pearly white paint, Analogman answers the machine..
    (Yes Machinedramon.)
    (Your breakfast is almost ready.)
    (well done, I'll go take a quick shower.)
    (Very well sir.)
    Analogman goes to the bathroom, before he steps into the shower he glances a look at himself in the mirror and stops, looks closer to the mirror and looks at a burn mark on the back of his right shoulder..
    (Damn brat bastard..! I'll get you for that..!)
    he gets in the shower, while in there he's pondering many things in his mind..
    (I wonder how I should start my day? aside from my laptop, should I do something else, I hope I can have some free time.)
    While Analogman is in the shower, Machinedramon is in the other room, the room in a house acquired by Analogman Large and spacious enough for more than 10 Machine Digimon to roam in it freely, not that Machinedramon needs or cares for space and "elbow room" if he thought that his size would inconvenience his Master Analogman he would simply Devolve to a lower level Digimon of smaller size.
    Now Machinedramon is going through another laptop that Analogman gave him to help him, and at the same time making sure that his breakfast is getting prepared..
    (Ok. Just a few minutes and his food will be ready, I have to make the usual preparations..)
    Machinedramon accesses his laptop via a "beam" an innate skill exclusive to High level machine Digimon which is impossible to hack by human technology a good security precaution to keep him safe from technological infiltration of any kind, the reason why he wouldn't use his hands or devolve into a Digimon that can, the beam is much faster, in fact he can improve his laptops performance using the beam, and now his performing a security check on the area and country he and his master are living in by accessing security cameras and a satellite that Machinedramon personally made and launched into space..
    (..ok. everything looks good, oh! The food is ready! Hey! Dan 7000 it's Time!)
    Machinedramon Gave a command to a machine that looks like it has gentle human hands with a table for a body and seems to be designed to carefully move food from place to place, another of Machinedramon's inventions, Dan 7000 take's the food it personally cooked and places it on a table much larger than itself..
    (Well done Dan 7000! You can go now thank you for all your hard work.)
    after Machinedramon thanked Dan 7000 it made a bowing motion with it's hands and a wave goodbye motion, then went to a corner and stayed there without moving..
    (Ok. Master should be here about now..)
    On cue Analogman comes out of the bathroom in a lovely all white suit with a white tie and white shoes to match, Machinedramon welcomes him back..
    (I hope you enjoyed your shower? I did the usual protocol..everything is good.)
    Analogman sits in his chair and begins eating, after Analogman took the first bite Machinedramon decided to speak to him even though he knows that Analogman does most his deep thinking when he's eating and doesn't even like to talk to him unless he absolutely has too…
    (Sir there's something I want to tell you..)
    (I thought I told you I don't like to talk while I'm eating..)
    (I know sir, but there's something I want to tell you, please hear me out..)
    (..sigh.. fine go ahead)
    (Thank you)
    (for what?)
    (for taking me with you)
    (I'm grateful that you toke me with you to earth, even if everyone in this world and the Digital world are against you I will fight with you.. always..)
    Aside from a small scratch to the back of his neck Analogman's face didn't move at all..
    (ok. can I eat now?)
    (yes enjoy.)
    suddenly Analogman's Laptop made a melodious sound..
    (oh great.. an email)
    Analogman reads it hastily..
    (hm?! It's that guy again he wants me to steal money from a bank)
    (I can do it right now sir! Finish your meal)
    (knowing you Machinedramon you'll be done taking everything they have in under 10 Seconds, but he asked for 3.9 Million Dollars)
    (ok….AND done!)
    (good work! I think that was a record Machinedramon? Less than 7 Seconds)
    (Heh..thank you sir! Human technology is absurdly weaker than me! I'll send him the money)
    A few moments later another email arrives Analogman reads it..
    (what'd he say sir?)
    (He's saying he'll tell the police I stole money from the bank if I don't pay him 50 Million Dollars monthly!)
    Machinedramon went quite and the red glow in his eyes has vanished..
    (Sir.. your saying he's threatening you..)
    (I believe he IS Machinedramon..)
    (Can I do it sir?)
    (Hmm.. yes do it!)
    Machinedramon uses his laptop again.. and after a few seconds…
    (You can continue eating sir it should be on the news news any minute sir!)
    After 15 minutes Analogman has finished eating and he's watching a live news feed online, the female reporter is narrating the scene behind her..
    (I'm live from the house of the primary suspect in the electronic bank heist who died burned alive in his own house, officials and technical experts say an electronic malfunction in his house caused the fire, although almost everything has been burned to a crisp the hard disk in the suspects home computer contained a plethora of evidence in many cyber related crimes, the suspect died asleep on his couch, officials have no idea who he is at this time but from the looks of it it seems he is a hacker with no family, and it's a miracle that the fire department arrived to put out the fire they say it's thanks to an anonymous tip to both them and law enforcements at the nick of time they might've lost all the evidence more details to come ...)
    Analogman cuts the feed and turns his face…
    (the hypnotizing app to that bastards smart phone was a nice touch Machinedramon..)
    (I live to serve and protect you!)
    (..thank you..)
    (..! You don't need to thank me sir anyway what do you want to do now?)
    (hmmm? Why don't we "visit" the digital world again?)
    (Yes sir!)

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Theigno's Avatar
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    That… was surprisingly more readable than one would expect from fanfiction not to mention one written on short notice.

    There are some very interesting aspects to the story and characters here that are not without their charm. Mugendramon/Machinedramon (I'll abandon the dub name from here on as usual lol) is shown to be in a very interesting situation. That he himself invents is own follows establishes him as something beyond Analogman's weapon and property, he is himself a master to his creations and seemingly a better one that Analogman himself. There is certainly much to say about the courtesy and kindness he seems to extend, at least in a very basic way, to his own tools. One could point out the contradiction, the hypocrisy of is character when he later showcases merciless and casual indifference to human life. It is also possible that he projects his own wishes in his actions, allowing his subordinates the respect and gratefulness he secretly wants from his own master.
    It's all quite nice, but there are things to criticise.

    The choice of using parentheses instead of quotation marks is strange to say the least. It gives the dialogue a very strange feel, as if (due to the parenthesis’s role of separating their contents from the rest of the text) their communication happens on another narrative level, or through some sort of telepathy, or was written by a LISP programmer. For many lines, which seem to be internal dialogue no indicator would technically be needed at all.

    That a Mugendramon would use a laptop for anything seems strange, since he himself is a supercomputer and wouldn’t really gain much of an advantage from using an external device.
    It would make more sense if he plugged himself directly into whatever data source the laptop used and use his own integrated processing capabilities. This would also make the insertion of the somewhat overly convenient Beam ability unnecessary, which is one of very few obviously made up plot devices in the Story. Not that the made up part is intrinsically bad but just in terms of the narrative it is not a well executed plot device: since it is not well explained, its special abilities are not exactly used for any sort of payoff (one would assume that the “unhackability” would play into the plot somehow) even though it is presented as a very clunky chunk of exposition in the main part of the text which is something that should, if at all, be reserved for the most pressing aspects of a situation.
    In short, the artificial and important seeming inclusion of this ability, which seems hardly necessary in the first place, is not justified by what the story actually does with it and ends up merely impeding the flow of the narrative.
    If it’s main dramatic reason for its inclusion was to showcase the technological superiority of Mugendramon, the same could basically be done by assigning the attribute of not being hackable to his internal electric brain instead.

    Lastly the references to devolution seemed a bit out of place considering the implied context as Digimon freely evolving and devolving is not generally something Digimon are capable of in DW1 style settings, in fact just like irreversibility of evolution is a core aspects of the gameplay, I feel that keeping these sorts of rules intact would make the story feel more authentic in connection with its source material.

    Other than that, while some spelling errors ("take's the food", "went quite", "toke me with you") and some redundant phrases ("the fire department arrived to put out the fire", "pondering many things in his mind") stick out, and one passage is told is suddenly written in past tense for no reason, the overall prose works fine.

  3. #3
    Ain't got no mojo... Amnaeal's Avatar
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    GODDAMMIT!!!! this has not been a good day for me!
    God I'm mortified!! >_<
    I can't believe you actually did read this crap! AND paid attention!! I'm torn between surprise and a desire to commit suicide..
    in my defense:
    1-i was forced to write this story in a limited time.
    2-I admit Grammar is my greatest weakness "god bless auto spelling ..sometimes"
    3-as for parentheses I used them to separate Dialogue from narration, I used commas and parentheses and other things out of nervousness like a reflex it just came out that way.
    4-Mugendramon lol , maybe I should have used the word "degenerate" from the Digimon Dusk & Dawn game but the word Degenerate felt negative, I don't think you should question the "logic" of a show that turns a cat into an angelic Striper or a school girl into a half naked teen butterfly.

    finally I guess I was subconsciously keeping that story in the back of my mind, this whole thing was kinda rushed I'm surprised it can be read and I made it while being completely embarrassed, and I'm just some guy NOT Shakespeare.
    The Darker Picture Is The Correct One

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Theigno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amnaeal View Post
    I can't believe you actually did read this crap! AND paid attention!! I'm torn between surprise and a desire to commit suicide..
    Well, there’s nothing that makes a text more enticing to read than a warning that you shouldn’t read it. It would have been even better if the warning had been issued by the government or by a major religious organization. But maybe next time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amnaeal View Post
    3-as for parentheses I used them to separate Dialogue from narration, I used commas and parentheses and other things out of nervousness like a reflex it just came out that way.
    I would say less is more in that regard. Generally you can trust your readership more than you think, there are even novelists, José Saramago and Cormac McCarthy come to mind, that do not delimit their dialogue in any way from the narration. It takes talent to take it to that extreme and remain readable but the point is that there is no need to nervously overcompensate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amnaeal View Post
    maybe I should have used the word "degenerate" from the Digimon Dusk & Dawn game but the word Degenerate felt negative
    The terminology wasn’t really the issue. Rather the ability itself, to randomly change to a lower level doesn’t really fit with the context of DW1.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amnaeal View Post
    I'm just some guy NOT Shakespeare.
    On the contrary, Shakespeare was just some guy as well. And of course there are historians claiming that not even Shakespeare was actually Shakespeare.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amnaeal View Post
    I don't think you should question the "logic" of a show that turns a cat into an angelic Striper or a school girl into a half naked teen butterfly.
    This is where I completely disagree.
    Imagine a person who knows nothing but Tennis and is completely unaware of the concept of Soccer. And then without any context he is shown a Soccer match, he would for a while believe that he was witnessing madness. Why are the ball and the field so large? Why are there 20 players too many? How dare they hit the ball with their feet and don’t even bring rackets? Clearly this is a completely and utterly indecipherable and absolutely incoherent scenario.
    But of course it’s not actually incoherent. Football uses the ball, the field and the players differently than Tennis does but that does not in any way imply that football cannot have consistent rules because of tennis.

    So if the concept of cats and angels is used in a different concept within the structural system described by the franchise of Digimon than it is used in our reality, this has no relevance to the logical validity of either system involved, especially as the premise of “Digimon” does not specifically promise to recreate reality as we know it with identical rules. So complaining that the rules are different is pointless.

    One could point out that the usage of “cat” and “angel” in Digimon seems very arbitrary. Sure. But arbitrariness does not imply automatically that something is nonsensical.
    The Letter “A” is nothing but an arbitrary figure of lines with no intrinsic meaning. The universe didn’t inherently associate it with any sound. Yet, through the complex messy progress of history that specific sign was arbitrarily assigned to a specific sound in our culture, while in other cultures the same sound is assigned to another arbitrary sign. Does that discredit the usage of “A” in communication? Could you just any other symbol if you wanted? Clearly not without causing considerable confusion.
    The very fact you can read what I write is proof that a completely coherent sensible system can arise out of an arbitrarily defined set of symbols and predictable rules concerning their arrangement as well as the arrangement of these arrangements.

    And of course Digimon has its own rules, its own predictable arrangements and its own relationships between specific concepts.
    The transition of cat to angel is associated with the concept of “Evolution” again defined in the context of the franchise. The appearance and abilities of the angel are defined in certain ways, and so are the cat’s.
    The Event of evolution is furthermore commonly associated with specific situations; Fights, the presence of a human, some sort of energy influx, and so on and so forth. The information communicated through these events and concepts, no matter how alien they seem to our own environment, nevertheless paints a picture that is decipherable by human intellect. A truly illogical system could not achieve that, all information it could contain would have to amount to overall featureless noise, which is not the case for Digimon otherwise there could hardly be years worth of more or less sensible discussion about it be possible on this very forum.
    In conclusion, Digimon has defined its own rules and logic and, arbitrary as they are, over time they have been imbued with significance, so if a narrative does not conform to this established logic it should absolutely be questioned.

  5. #5
    Ain't got no mojo... Amnaeal's Avatar
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    I think your reading too much into a fanfic that was spawned from a bet, it's not like it's going to be an official novel it's just a fanfic..but oh well I'm going to touch on two things that I think you see as bad "even though I was hoping you'd figure it out"

    1-The "Beam" :
    Did it not occur to you that Analogman is a regular human who has the ability to control other Digimon with his laptop? why would Mugendramon jeopardize his safety by tethering himself directly to PC or network Even if 80% of human technology can't affect/hack him, if Analogman can control Digimon wouldn't it mean there are other humans who are capable of the same thing? oh and considering in DW1 there was a 100 years war b/ Digimons & Humans I'd say it's very likely. Oh and I never Stated that he was "unhackable" , and who knows the "hacker" could even be Digimon.. WITH a Hacker for a partner.
    I'll let you imagine the the other risks I couldn't think of.

    2-The "Devolve/Degenerate" :
    Buddy This Digimon, ANY kind Of Evolution IS Possible.
    And Considering Recent Anime adaptations "Which Border on Blasphemy against Digivolution And By Extension the Franchise" Like (Frontier - Xross Wars) I'd say you could let me slide with a "Spontaneous Digivolution/Degeneration"
    But If You Can't, We Could Say That Mugendramon Is "Special" and he Found a way/Skill To Control His Evolution, or invented a Machine that helped with his Energy Output/Input and Somehow it Gave Him That ability.
    Oh I Wasn't Using DW1 Evolution "Yard Stick" I was Using The Entire Franchise's Evolution "Although it's Pretty Broad I admit" ..

    Hope That Helped
    Oh BTW Don't Lump me Together With Writers/Novelists Like Shakespeare, I'm Not even good at making a decent fanfic nor do I aspire to be a novelist, I basically mimicked/Imitated stuff I read, and I'm Horrible at grammar and all over the place.
    So Please Don't Read Too Much Into It or Hype This Out of Proportion.
    The Darker Picture Is The Correct One

  6. #6
    Ain't got no mojo... Amnaeal's Avatar
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    Note: After The Last Story & Some Conversations with the "friend" who Talked me into writing it.
    I decided to improve my writing skills.

    I'm experimenting with stuff.

    Which means all other aspects Won't Matter.
    Let me Know your reactions & feelings & what I need to improve in my writing.


    Digimon Another Analogman Story:

    After returning from their trip to the Digital world Analogman & mugendramon Decided to go to one of their hideouts on earth.
    A place where they can train, Invent things, and receive medical care of any kind in the event of an injury.

    Currently Analogman Is trying to improve the functioning of a software that can make a Digimon and his partner communicate telepathically.
    While Mugendramon is working on making an AI that can maintain Security & observe cameras, satellite imagery, worldwide, 24/7 & report.

    Sir how are things on your end?

    Not good Mugendramon. It's going to take me some time, I don't know why wouldn't it work between humans and Digimon?
    I tested it on On other machines it worked well between them, so what's required to work between humans & Digimon?

    Have you tried everything sir?


    Perhaps you should take a break Sir?

    Haaah... maybe your right.

    How's everything with your AI?

    Getting close, it'll be over soon I just have to add some finishing touches and I'll be done then.

    Your so lucky Mugendramon.

    No Sir. The Only Luck I Believe in Is the Luck That Lead me to meet You Sir, Aside from that I have no need for luck, I believe in preparations, planning, and foresight.

    You Call THAT Luck Mugendramon?
    Well... I guess things have been better since back in those days.
    Well Anyway I'm going to go practice a little on that punching bag maybe I'll get LUCKY and get some inspiration.

    Right that would be good for your health sir, I'll try to finish up here then I'll look at your software and see if I can help.

    Thanks, and good luck.

    Mugendramon Continues His work while keeping an eye on his partner.

    Analogman is Practicing his Boxing, although his form is off, his technique is surprisingly better than what you'd except from a Hacker.

    But His eyes, although they're obscured by his Fiber Glasses, They show a rage that is hard to fathom or express with words... but can be clearly seen in the way he attacks the bag with malice and killing intent.

    Mugendramon Silently watches and tries to finish quickly.

    After 15 Minutes have passed Mugendramon is Finally Done.

    Sir. I'm done with my work, and you have you finished exercising?

    Yes. I'm trying to find a solution.

    Perhaps I can help?

    Your welcome to try but I'm telling you I tried everything.

    Mugendramon Thought Silently for a few moments....

    Sir. I have a suggestion but I Don't think you'll like it.

    What is it?



    A Human Tamers Bond With His Digimon Partner.
    That's probably what your messing.

    Analogman Turns around with his back facing His Partner...

    Would that even work?

    We won't know until we try Sir.


    Just Turn around and Look at me in the eyes without saying a word.

    Half a Minute passed before Analogman turned and did as he was asked.

    Sir. Take Your Glasses off.


    Analogman removed his glasses...

    And is now Staring at Mugendramon...
    His Face like a motionless sculpture...

    Like that they stayed for some time...

    Then Suddenly the computer Analogman was working on made a Sound...

    Hmm..? Sir. I Think Your Software Works, come see.

    ....! Your right. How did you know that would work Mugendramon!?

    Stories I heard about other tamers and their Digimon living in our world.

    I See. Well Good Job.
    Let Me Test the Software.

    Can you hear me mugendramon? I'm Speaking in your mind.

    Yes! I can hear you clearly!

    Now we can communicate without having to worry about being heard.
    It'll be useful in Situations that require stealth.

    Yes. Oh and Mugendramon Thanks.

    Your Welcome Sir.

    Oh Mugendramon, Tell me about Your AI.....

    The Darker Picture Is The Correct One

  7. #7
    Ain't got no mojo... Amnaeal's Avatar
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    An Unfortunate Man

    An Unfortunate Man.

    He is in Utter Disbelief, for the scene before him is Hard to Accept.

    Looking all around him..

    What Is This?! Where am I?!

    He Has No Memory Of Deciding to Come to this Place, or even Traveling To it.

    He Checked His Pockets and Clothes, and found no Mobile phone or wallet or anything...

    He Has been here for two Hours, Finally He begins to accept the reality of the scene before his eyes..

    He is standing In Front of an ocean that He Never Saw The Likes Of or Heard of Before...

    What The Hell Is This?!? What Kind Of Water Is This?!
    There's No Way On God's Green Earth I'm Going Anywhere Near That Ocean!

    The beach which he's Standing on is Surrounded by a Fog that feels alive... and wicked.

    The Air Is Cold & Somehow Feels Heavy In His Lungs, Making Breathing Difficult.

    He Saw A Bizarre Lighthouse That Beacons...
    Not with Light But Darkness.

    He Would've Shouted For Help But Ever Since he Awakened in that place, He Could Feel Like He's Being Watched by Someone or Some people Shrouded by The Fog.

    The Fact That No One Announced Themselves To Him, Or Approached him Peacefully Filled Him With More Apprehension Than he Already Has.

    His Better Judgment, and Generally Cautious Nature, Combined With a Currently Acquired Paranoia, Dictated That He Should Stay Quite.

    He Decided to Quietly Look Around, Hopefully He Can Find Someone Willing To Help, or Find a way out.

    After Several Hours Have Passed...

    He Couldn't find Anyone No Matter Where he Looked.

    He Looked in a Nearby Village But found no one, Then Searched A Dark Tunnel but once again the Same Result.

    He Went Everywhere.. Nothing.

    My God! This Can't Be Happening!
    What is This Insane Place!
    There's Nobody Here!
    Nothing... What Am I...

    What's That...?

    Looking Up He Suddenly Noticed Something, The Fog Cleared just a Little to Show a Small Patch of The Sky As if The Fog Released it's Hold over it, setting it Free...

    Along With A Moon.

    For Some Reason He Couldn't Look Away From That Moon As If It's Trying To Enslave His Soul...

    He Tried To Look Away...
    But He Couldn't As If The Moon Had Grabbed Hold Of His Body...

    ... Looking Closely The Moon Had Suddenly Grown a Colossal Eye....

    And It's Glaring Gleefully At Him as if it Can Smile....

    Out Of Nowhere a Whispering Voice Spoke to His Mind...


    He Closed his Eyes for a Few Seconds, He Opened his Eyes again...

    The Moon Returned to Normal...

    It Was at That Point That He Finally Abandoned Caution, and No Longer Cared If the Devil Himself and all his Demons are here surrounding him behind the Fog...

    He Screamed with all his Strength and Air in his Exhausted Lungs..


    Keep Your Voice Down You Idiot!

    Doubting what he just heard, he couldn't believe that someone answered..

    But his body ran to the source of the voice before his shocked mind could do it...

    He Ran a little under a minute..

    And found a Strange Creature that's a Mix Between a Bird and a Bat...

    Not Caring what kind of creature it is, at this point he would accept help from anyone that's offering...

    Was it You who Just Spoke?


    Can you help me get out of here please?


    What! Why?

    Before That, what's your name Human?

    It's Dominic.

    Dominic My Name is PicoDevimon.

    PicoDevimon why can't you help me leave this place?

    First Dominic Do You Have a Digivice?

    I Don't Even Know What it Is.


    Wait how Did You Get Here Anyway?

    I Have My Ways...
    Still I Don't Like Coming Here, but I get hired to do so.
    Running errands for My Clients at a Heavy Cost of course.

    What is this Place?

    I Don't know and I Don't want to know.
    I Only Know Enough To Keep Me Safe.
    The Stories I heard about it makes my blood turn white.

    Is there any way I could use to escape, how do you come and go as you please.

    You Don't Understand if you got here without a Digivice, it means you were brought here.

    By Who?

    Like I Said I Don't Want to Know, I only decided to talk to you because you looked pathetic.

    Are you Saying I Can't Escape from here?

    Pretty Much.


    Would love to Help You But There is an Unwritten Rule about people passing through here, they shouldn't get involved in things that don't concern them.
    So Try to Be Strong, and Maybe you can get out someday.


    I Have To Go Good Luck.

    PicoDevimon Spread His Wings and Flew Away...

    Leaving Dominic Alone..

    As If All of This Isn't Bad Enough, The Atmosphere Began to Change..

    Everything Is Becoming Darker by The Second...

    The Fog and Darkness are Engulfing everything...

    The Voice Spoke Again...
    Even Louder Than Before...


    Dominic is now Clutching His Head until His Nails Scratched His Skin...


    Again It Repeated...



    Dominic Screamed...

    Why is this Happening?!

    What Do You Want From me?!

    The Moon Appeared Tearing Through The Darkness and Fog...

    Oh God! No!


    No! Leave Me Alone!

    The Moon Is Now Suspended in The Heavens...

    Dominic Lost the ability to move...

    Everything around him seems frozen in time....

    Dominic Is being pulled towards the moon...

    Lifted from the earth and toyed with like a Puppet...


    As Dominic is getting closer to his new Worst Nightmare....

    He Screams in the Depths of his Soul...

    Last edited by Amnaeal; 10-03-2019 at 07:42 AM. Reason: Error

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