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Thread: Digimon Frontier: Spirits of Evolution (it's Frontier with the 02 cast)

  1. #1
    Ain't got no mojo... mpuppy4's Avatar
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    Digimon Frontier: Spirits of Evolution (it's Frontier with the 02 cast)

    Howdy! So! My name's mpuppy4, you may shorten that however you will. For a brief summary, I've been watching Digimon since I discovered one the comic books in my elementary school library (how many people can say that's how they got into it), and also watched the movie before the actual show, oops. In my early days as a fan, about when I was halfway through season 4, I invented a really stupid AU: one where the season 2 cast gets spirit evolutions.

    Basically the idea is: what if I took two of the most widely despised seasons, smashed them together, and made it good?

    Actually my line of thinking back then was that the seasons were good. And, to be fair, I'm still very fond of 02 and Frontier. I recognize that they have some downright inexcusable writing at times, and certain characters may have been handled pretty poorly **coughcoughMiyakoandIzumi** but they hold a special place in my heart. Also I just really love the cast of 02, they have the best chemistry in my opinion and I feel like the characters were really underutilized.

    Anyway, I was talking about my fanfiction, wasn't I? I ended up scribbling out a story titled "Digimon Frontier: Spirits of Evolution!" Exclamation mark included because I was a total child and I liked exclamation marks. Back in those days, the story took place after the events of 02, I never got far enough to introduce Kari's spirit (and I don't think I ever even designed one), my characterization of Daisuke was completely off point, and... it was really bad. Like, really, really bad. You do not want to know how bad it really was.

    Last summer, I decided to go back and rewrite it. And make it. Y'know. Good. Completely from scratch, I rewrote the entire backstory, reworked the conflict, designed six new spirits (painstakingly, because I'm awful at drawing), and published two brand new, probably-longer-than-they-had-to-be episodes. To this day, DFSoE is the most popular story I've ever written.

    It's since been on hiatus due to a bad writer's block, but I'm planning to go ahead and try writing the third episode soon. However, I'd like to hear some more feedback on it. What readers would like to see from the story to come, what's enjoyable in what's already there, things that could be improved on, perhaps some speculation. This story is near and dear to my heart, and I just really want it to be as good as I can get it.

    Also, just a heads up, I grew up with the English dub, so the story primarily uses the English terminology. I did replace "Armor Digiegg" with "Digimental", though.

    So, if you're interested, go ahead and give it a look! I'd love to hear what you think.

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Title: Digimon Frontier: Spirits of Evolution
    Rating: 13+
    Genre: Action/Adventure
    Warnings: Violence | Blood | Mild Language
    Characters: Daisuke/Davis, Takeru/TK, Miyako/Yolei, Ken, Iori/Cody, Hikari/Kari, Tailmon/Gatomon, Patamon, The Legendary Warriors
    Pairing: General (with several hints here and there)
    Side Notes: Canon Divergent AU -- Takes place after the defeat of the Digimon Emperor. Owikawa stuff doesn't happen. Yolei and Cody's crests of Love and Knowledge are switched. Ken has the Digimental of Kindness.
    Summary: When the Digiport reopens after a mysterious closure, Davis, TK, Ken, Yolei, Cody, and Kari return to the Digital World to find it much different than it was before. Things escalate when Davis is approached by a creature called the Spirit of Sea, whom grants Davis the power of Digivolution. Plots twist and enemies are made... can the heroes stop the threat against the Digital World?
    Links:
    FanFiction | AO3 | Wattpad
    Last edited by mpuppy4; 04-15-2017 at 07:10 PM.
    Tailmon is best Digimon. Tailmon is a good cat. Love the good cat.
    Have you read my fan fiction? If you like 02 and Frontier, you might like this! ➝ [fanfiction.net] [archiveofourown.org]

  2. #2
    Completely digital Xadhoom's Avatar
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    My immediate reaction to the story is 'eh'.

    Even as early as the summary, there's improvement to be made in this revision - it aims for a grand, exciting tone, even as it says all six of their names in rapid succession, and then seems to give up on keeping it an in-universe tale of epic adventure with the promise of 'plot twists, everybody'.

    The first chapter is just infodumpy as hell, one lengthy character-independent flashback to set up the entire setting and plot.

    The names for the various places and factions get really wonky in places, and not in the "huh, I wonder if this could be possible foreshadowing for something" sense, just plain silly. First with the whole detail of Fanglongmon naming his kingdoms after types of landscape, then with the fearsomely-titled 'Almighty Armada' (beware alliteration, for it is the cosmos-consuming power).

    What really irked me is that the Legendary Warriors, the ten who originally saved the world, get a cameo basically to establish villain cred - 'oh, hey, this small group of top-tier badasses tried and failed to take on an army that's almost certainly way less powerful than any of them individually, strength in numbers right' - and then turns tail on that by introducing some OC who are made out to be as powerful as the 10LW should be, and imitates them by being the source for a new set of transformation artifacts.

    Potentially even worse, the exposition works against itself. It tries to establish a sense of doom and gloom about the villains, yet in the space of a few hundred words, we've gotten three independent heroic factions to rise up against them, even witho

    In several places, the exposition raises glaring questions - how exactly did Fanglongmon create new spirits from the 'Legendary Guardians' if they were destroyed presumably far away from him (if the fighting was going on in his own backyard, why didn't he join in)? Why is Fanglongmon even trying to raise a new fighting force when he's kinda a badass himself? Why couldn't they keep the Spirits forever? - and seemingly fails to notice them.

    In terms of SPaG, the only slip-ups I can find are minor - 'soul' and 'plain' when it should be 'sole' and 'plane'.

    I've yet to read and examine the succeeding chapters, but I do hope they'd be improvements over this.

  3. #3
    Ain't got no mojo... mpuppy4's Avatar
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    While I do find myself disappointed to hear that you didn't much enjoy the introduction, I always appreciate constructive criticism, so let's see if I can improve from it.

    To be fair, I've always been awful at summaries, especially given FanFiction's 300-and-a-half character limit. I mostly figured I could just scrape by with "Hey, it's Frontier with the 02 cast!" and hoped that would be enough to turn a few heads, which it did, but I can see where your complaint comes from.

    Frankly the introduction in the first chapter was meant to be a homage to the exposition dump (that I at least remember being) at the beginning of Frontier. "There was a bad guy, the good guys took him down, oh no he's back, now the heroes gotta go punch him." I never really thought much of it, it was just a quick way to establish the lore.

    I guess the naming thing comes down to personal preference? But yeah, the kingdom titles are pretty ridiculous. If it wasn't obvious enough, I didn't actually put that much effort into naming everything. Although this is the "Digital World" we're talking about. I suppose I could have tried to pull out some "File Island"-esque puns, but I'm no good at that kind of thing.

    Now considering your gripes with the introduction as a whole, I'd like to go back and make it a little more enjoyable. However, I'm not sure if I could really do that without reworking the lore as a whole. The problem here is that pretty much every detail in that backstory comes to a point in the story that follows, from the kingdoms to the Legendary Warriors to the origins of the Guardians to Fanglongmon not taking part in the battle. I'm not sure how much I can really change without needing to rework my plans for the story as a whole.

    I for one don't think that raising questions should be viewed as a fault in a prologue, just as long as the author has plans to answer those questions in the future. After all, questions encourage the reader to keep reading. But that is a problem when those questions aren't answered.

    And of course, I always appreciate having my SPaG mistakes pointed out. I'll be sure to fix those.

    Also I think one of your paragraphs got cut off there.

    I hope you can find something more enjoyable in the story beyond the prologue, I feel that's where DFSoE really shines. Although rereading the second introduction, it's pretty messy (I screwed up Yolei and Ken's hair colors, what the heck), so I should probably revise that. Well, maybe I can wait to hear a bit about the later chapters, and just revise everything at once.
    Last edited by mpuppy4; 04-16-2017 at 06:58 PM.
    Tailmon is best Digimon. Tailmon is a good cat. Love the good cat.
    Have you read my fan fiction? If you like 02 and Frontier, you might like this! ➝ [fanfiction.net] [archiveofourown.org]

  4. #4
    I never thought of it a story like this with other characters being able to do spirit evolve outside of Frontier. Though I did a rp with the spirits being used by partner Digimon.

  5. #5
    Junior Commander Vice's Avatar
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    This is similar to the story I had where the 02 kids used the Digimentals to become Armor Digimon instead of having partners. I completely ripped off the plot from Digimon Frontier however, and didn't follow the original 02 canon.

  6. #6
    Ain't got no mojo... mpuppy4's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prismblack91 View Post
    I never thought of it a story like this with other characters being able to do spirit evolve outside of Frontier. Though I did a rp with the spirits being used by partner Digimon.
    Hm, I thought it was a fairly common idea. Then again, I haven't actually seen much being done with it. As for spirits with the partners? Considering that's the official method for acquiring the Legendary Warriors in a majority of the video games, I can see where that's coming from. Although I feel like it would just be like a glorified Armor Evolution.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vice View Post
    This is similar to the story I had where the 02 kids used the Digimentals to become Armor Digimon instead of having partners. I completely ripped off the plot from Digimon Frontier however, and didn't follow the original 02 canon.
    Hey, that's actually not a bad idea. Certainly more original than DFSoE. I'd like to see that.
    Tailmon is best Digimon. Tailmon is a good cat. Love the good cat.
    Have you read my fan fiction? If you like 02 and Frontier, you might like this! ➝ [fanfiction.net] [archiveofourown.org]

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by mpuppy4 View Post
    Hm, I thought it was a fairly common idea. Then again, I haven't actually seen much being done with it. As for spirits with the partners? Considering that's the official method for acquiring the Legendary Warriors in a majority of the video games, I can see where that's coming from. Although I feel like it would just be like a glorified Armor Evolution.
    I can see what you mean about that, though I did see an armor form that looks like a fusion of flamedramon and lightdramon once and wonder if that was gonna be a thing at one point.

  8. #8
    I think you should continue it.

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