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View Full Version : Stuck in a timeloop (and stuff)



KaenKazui
09-29-2009, 03:08 AM
Well guys, actually starting to hate my life.

Since I had to move to my boyfriend in austria I first was jobless and badly needed money.
Now I have a job - more or less - since I am in apprenticeship for an electronic technician. After all I need to have learned a job before I am allowed to study.
Very nice... So what?

But I really start to hate every day.
I mean most of my colleagues are really fucking stupid, taking drugs or beeing addicted to a certain MMORPG (WoW) and have some treats of rightist extremists... We don't do anything at work, since our masters don't have time (an example: Last week I was at work for 36 hours of which I worked 6 hours! In the other hours we could just sit there and wait)... The whole thing is so fucking stupid.
There is noone to talk to, since the other speak wether about World of Warcraft or sex or how great the german kind is.
But that's not enough... The masters leave the radio going and its... Like every two hours the same songs a played. Day by day by day by day... I am in this for now 4 month nearly and nothing changes.
It feels like I am stucked in a god damn timeloop where everything constantly repeats and the only thing changing are the books I read day by day.

~.~

Py687
09-29-2009, 06:44 PM
Don't mean to be rude, only criticizing:

You sure you love your bf enough to move to Austria? Where were you from?

Lol, you make my high school life sound exciting. Try taking a different job.

KaenKazui
09-29-2009, 10:35 PM
Well, it wasn't like I had so much choice back than ^^"
My parents died and I came to a foster family, since I wasn't 18 back then. The foster familys father drunk every evening and started beating me up. And after that got worse I went to the youth welfare office who offenced the foster family and for that I was thrown out. And since there aren't any living relatives and I hadn't a home, I moved to my boyfriend. I live together with him for 2 years now, so...

I am from Germany.

Another job isn't that easy. I have to complete a apprenticeship for being allowed to study (special german graduation) and I really want to study. But the whole "Do nothing"-Thing makes it so very, very hard. I mean... I want to learn something... Anything @.@

Py687
09-30-2009, 12:01 AM
Oh, sounds like you had/have it tough.

Maybe doing nothing is part of the training? XD

Sounds to me like you need time off your time offs. What would happen if you skipped and, say, went to a club or something to meet new people? Because the way I see it, things aren't gonna happen to you unless a miracle occurs or you make new friends.

Edit: Nice avy. XD

Orochi
09-30-2009, 08:49 PM
Another job isn't that easy. I have to complete a apprenticeship for being allowed to study (special german graduation) and I really want to study. But the whole "Do nothing"-Thing makes it so very, very hard. I mean... I want to learn something... Anything @.@


Well, if you're bored, the only thing I can really suggest is to try preventing yourself from not being bored. Well, duh, that's easy to say, right? To be more specific, try finding a side-project/hobby, or just try teaching yourself some new things in general. Since you're training to be an electrical technician, maybe you could start fiddling with a small side-project that you could carry with you and work on when there's nothing to do at work. Like, I dunno, some gimmick involving LEDs or something. (I'm not an electrician or anything, so I don't know much about specifics.) It'd probably come in handy for your apprenticeship, too.

If that's not feasible, just keep reading books. Bring them in if you can, and just read them while you've got nothing to do. If this is what you've already been doing, then just focus on keeping yourself amused, and try to forget the fact that you're not actually doing much in terms of the apprenticeship.

Hope that helps somewhat.

KaenKazui
10-01-2009, 12:30 AM
Well, in the moment I am pretty happy, that I got a really bad flu, so I cannot go work.

The prob is, that I - too - need the money I don't get, when I would skip. ~.~

@Orochi: I am trying to find something like a project to carry with me for working on it, but I really don't have an idea what is small enough and doesn't break that easily. I mean, I would really love to build an dynamo or things like that, but for such a thing I would need to work with a soldering iron, what I am not allowed to (the same problem with LED stuff)

Well, does anyone knows some good books (Fantasy, SciFi or comedy)? I am really running out of ideas.

Orochi
10-01-2009, 12:51 AM
Well, does anyone knows some good books (Fantasy, SciFi or comedy)? I am really running out of ideas.


For sci-fi/comedy: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Five books in that series.

If you've already read those, then you can't go wrong with stuff by Terry Pratchett. His Discworld series alone has, like, over 35 books in it or something ridiculous like that. His writing style kind of leans more towards the fantasy/comedy side, although he's been compared to Adams before, and he does sometimes incorporates sci-fi elements in his writing.

KaenKazui
10-20-2009, 02:09 AM
I allready read the Hitchhiker's Guide twice ^^"

But haven't read Pratchett up to now, but I really don't know where to start those books. I love the Death/Reaper of the Discworld... Any idea?

Py687
10-20-2009, 04:59 PM
Oh yeah, the ones with Death in them are awesome.

Well, the Discworld novels hardly have any continuity between them; you could pick up his first book and his latest one and it wouldn't affect the story much, if at all.

I found out about Pratchett when I picked up The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents, and moved onto the Wee Free Men before finally immersing myself into his Discworld series. As for appeal, I recommend Hogfather, Mort, Night Watch, and The Truth.

Orochi
10-20-2009, 10:34 PM
Well, the Discworld novels hardly have any continuity between them; you could pick up his first book and his latest one and it wouldn't affect the story much, if at all.


Yeah, that's one of the best things about Discworld. There are recurring characters, but you could read it out of order for the most part and still get the gist of the big picture.

I started out on Thief of Time, myself. It's great - I highly recommend it. Soul Music is another one involving Death, although I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

KaenKazui
01-24-2010, 06:28 AM
Well, finally I got something that makes things a lot better: A netbook.

So I do another job while I am at work. Not the nice method, but it doesn't seem to concer the people. Okay, and I don't get money for the other job. But after all it isn't that boring and at least some of the people in net are not complete idiots!
A yey for that.

*sighs*

But it didn't change the thing about us don't have anything to do...

Vande
01-24-2010, 06:33 AM
The only Pratchett books i've read are Going Postal and Making Money. Both very win.

I purchased a netbook recently, i need to use it more and actually stay in bed rather than climibing out and coming to sit by the pc.

KaenKazui
03-28-2013, 01:20 PM
I am pretty much only using this threads, when I am really fed up with everything, it seems...

But yeah. By now I am really fed up again.
This time not with the situation, but with the people.

Really. I mean, after my apprenticeship I worked for an US company in Berlin for half a year, before I started to go to University right in the area, where I grew up. And, apart from the general feeling that a lot of people at my University are relying on me to much, stuff is kinda doing well right now. I got a scholarship, I have a nice part-time job and I am well respected at the University.
But... Really, something makes me think.
Over the last months I broke with two friends and I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend. And the reason is pretty much the same for all three: They lyied to me, they broke promises and... How can I put it? They just never did me any favors.

The whole thing with my ex-boyfriend with whom I had a relationship for over 5 years, probably was most fucked up. I mean, to be honest, I really did not feel well with that relationship for the last two years, after I moved away from Austria (which was pretty much the happiest day of my live), as he often did not have time to talk via Skype and we saw each other like three times a year. But the really bad part was, that he was always lying. Even when we were still living together, he always lied to me, as he was to lazy to deal with certain stuff. I mean, he paid stuff for me, but apart from that he did nothing for me. He did not even bother to loose weight or anything, even though he already had had an heart attack with just 25. I mean... Really. The reason, why I broke up, still was, that he always expected me to spend christmas with his fucked up family (really, his mother is a total controll freak and a maniac). He promised me though, that he would spend 2012's christmas with me. But then he told me, that he had got this awesome job that would pay well, but which - so he said - would be during the holidays. Well, so I spend christmas with a close friend of mine and her family (which really was a good decision, as this probably was the best christmas I had in years... I mean, people actually were HAPPY I was there)... Just to find out, as he was stupid enough to write an email when he was drunk, that he actually was not working in Vienna but at home with his family and he lied to me, just to spend christmas there, even though he promised me to spend it with me. From what I can tell, he probably made the whole "job in Vienna" thing up, even though he came up with a very lame excuse when I asked him about it.
And really, I don't like people lying to me. Especially not my boyfriend. So I broke up. Small lies are one thing, such a big one is something else.

Then there is another friend, with whom I broke. Let's call him Bernd.
Bernd actually were living in another country for a long time, as his dad got a job there, so the whole family moved there. I visited him once in summer holidays and stuff. It was nice. So Bernd now wanted to move back to Germany to start studying fashion design at a German University. He actually had applied for that University and always put it that was, as if he was already accepted. Well, I did my best to find him a place to stay, as I was living in a one room apartement at that time and could not take him in, but it is way either to find a room or an appartment if you are already there. So yeah, he had somewhere to stay, and I also went to all those offices with him (like registering him to now live in Germany again, register him at the employment office and so on), as he never had done anything like that before. And then I found out that... Surprise! Actually, no, the University had not accepted him and so he was workless now, as he, in his endless foresight, had only applied for ONE University.
Well, that sucks. But what sucked even more was him trying to find a job. "Oh, I can do anything. I will just try to apply for the University next year again." Yeah, anything like... "No, I won't bartend, people might think I am gay." - "No, I cannot clean stuff. That's gross." - "No, I cannot work at the cinema, that are to many people for me." And stuff like that. So I went to someone I know who worked as a tailor and asked him, whether he could take Bernd in as an apprentice. He said he would do that. But Bernd was: "I cannot do an apprenticeship! That takes three years! And I want to go to University next year!" And the fun thing... It is widely known, that said University favours people, who are trained tailors, for their fashion design classes.
So Bernd was sitting in his appartment - the one I got for him - and pretty much doing nothing, but spend time on the internet with the old laptop of mine I loaned him, chatting with his family at home and looking at job offers he would not take due to different reasons. He would not go to cinema with me, nor do any other stuff in his free time (and yes, as the German state does pay for your everything, you have money for some freetime activity), nor would he do me any small favours that would not have cost him anything but maybe one or two hours of his mostly wasted time.
And really, I felt used... Because pretty much everything he had, I got him. I did not pay for it, but I got it for him or loaned it to him. And when I tried to talk to him, it was the whole "Oh, I really do try to find a job." And that was just... To much for me. Because, really, it never took me longer then three days to find a new job in Germany. If you are really just looking for a parttime job, it is not that hard to find. Especially as I brought him some offers... And at that point I really was fed up with him... And pretty much never talked with him ever since.

And just this week... Well, the same story again. Now with another friend, let's call her Christy.
Christy had always had one big, big weekness: She had little to no self-esteem. She thought she could not do anything. But well. She finished high school and - like me - did an apprenticeship first, which she finished, too. After that her family moved and she moved with them. There actually was one issue with her family. Always was: When her parents said "Jump" Christy would only ask "How far?" She would complain about that to my best friend (let's call her Mary) and me, but she never would stand up to her parents.
Now Christy had started to go to University last year. She wanted to study physics and science... But it became apparent pretty fast: She was just not made for the University. The mass of people, the organization and pretty much everything just grew over her head and she became depressive. If she had time to talk to Mary or me, she would just complain that she could not do anything. And she really did not have a lot of time. Well, she wanted to drop her studies in science and start studying arts and Mary and I talked to her parents, so they would let her.
Well, they did. But then... Stuff turned out differently.
While Christy was studying she did not have much time for us. She did not have much time to talk to us, to watch DVD with out or go to cinema with us (that pretty much are the only freetime activities she likes to do anyway). Now she could not start to study art design, before September and she suddenly decided that she actually did not want to go to University, but just to take up an apprenticeship at some company. Well, Mary, who is a qualified Designer herself, did not think it was a good idea, but as Christy was really set on this, we accepted it... Until she was just talking about applying to this or that company... But the only companies she did apply to, were... Well... They did not have a good reputation and Mary new that. But the problem: Those companies, who do have a good reputation, want their applicants to do a portfolio of at least five different works... But even though Christy loves to draw... "It is so boring doing that work for the portfolio. I will rather draw another fanart." And so she did... Either that or some domestic work for her parents or... She sat in front of her TV doing absolutely nothing.
She did not spend time with either Mary or me, nor did she work on her applications or her portfolio, nor did she fulfill any promises she made to Mary or me. And again she came up with super lame escuses (super lame as in ... She just cannot lie).
To be honest, those promises to me either were about meeting up to watch a movie or to comment on one of my stories, which she originally loved, but... Well... She got stuck in another fandom and - actually that was just another big problem - pretty much lived in that fandom, as in she was only thinking about things related to that fandom and only talking about things related to that fandom and only working on stuff related to that fandom... Which drives you nuts, if you are not in the fandom yourself and the girl just does not got any hints (even if you make them obvious) that you would like to change the subject.
But really, apart from that: Those promises were nothing that big. And, no, I would not be so angry, if it was just once or if she actually worked on her stuff... But she just did nothing. And if I or Mary asked her what happened to this or that she actually wanted to do (not only stuff she promised to us, but also stuff she wanted to do for herself), the answer was: "I did not feel like it."
And at some point I really lost it and I gave it to her streight that I just could not take her fangirling and apart from that doing nothing anymore... And, well, first she said nothing and went over to Mary, who pretty much just said: "Well, Kaen was a little hard, but basicly I totally agree with her." Then Christy tried her classy apology. "I am sorry. I am a bad person. You are totally right about everything. Please forgive me." And the thing is: That is classy for her. If she apologizes like that you can bet, she does not mean it, she just does not want to argue. And that's pretty much what I told her. And then she started to insult me and go like "You are not better then me. You are just sitting in front of your PC the whole day!" (The last thing is totally true, as I am studying computer science and have a parttime job as a webdesigner.) The thing is: I go to University. I have a job. I have friends whom I spend a lot of time with. And additionally I do volunteer work. So... I am really anything but lazy or unreliable. I mean, it is true that I cannot always keep my promises, but when I cannot that is either, because I got sick, or because University or work got in my way, not because "I did not feel like it."
And, well, I have not spoken to her since.

And by now I wonder... Am I overdoing it? Do I expect to much from other people? Am I exaggerating, when I get angry, because people break a couple of small promises?

I mean, the thing is... There are other friends, friends that I am not as close with, as I were with those people, that I could always rely on. Even some of the people I cannot stand and where it is the same the other way around are sometimes more relyable then those...

Ah, I don't know. I just wanted to get this off my mind.

MarcFBR
03-28-2013, 01:44 PM
I won't comment on all of it, but in general, I find bringing it up, even if just by typing, helps release a lot of the stress from stuff happening.

Feeling better?

KaenKazui
03-28-2013, 01:56 PM
I do. That's why I typed it here.
I did not want to talk about it in any of the German Boards, as some guys there might now who I am talking about. And it is not I want to badmouth anybody.

Lagarmon
03-28-2013, 11:02 PM
Just my two cents. But where do you often meet people? I've heard & believe in people sometimes looking for friends & love in the wrong places. Is there anything you notice about how you meet these people or where?

KaenKazui
03-29-2013, 02:00 AM
Well, I got to know my ex-boyfriend via Internet. Bernd I kinda have known for some time as his aunt and uncle are friends of my aunt and uncle, but when I started talking to him a lot, it was via internet, too, when I found out that he was registered at the same website I was. Then Christy again I got to know, because she was a friend of Mary for some time and when there was a movie in cinema I wanted to see but Mary did not, she suggested I should go with Christy, as Christy really liked one of the actors.

Lagarmon
03-29-2013, 02:36 AM
Hm. Maybe I'm not justified to speak, since I'm not all that social. But I always try to be as good as I can be to people that I don't know, that way there's atleast some potential for a friendship or relationship. But I make it clear as to who I am as a person. I'm not gonna throw up some "Hi! I'm some stranger you can trust w/ your life!" type of deal since I don't like talking to people I don't know. I'm gonna be as real as I can be & show that I can be friendly but firm & distant until I feel as though I can really call them a friend. Course, it's easier for me since I haven't been through half of what you've been through. And you could already be that way to begin w/, but still I feel like that's really important for people to do.

IDK if you have a whole lot of free time or go out alot. But if you don't maybe there's some sort of way to make time? If not, then just maybe start up conversations at work or university. You also talked about having friends that seem to not take hints, so how about instead of giving hints you flat out say it & give it to them real? Not call them out, as then they'll feel like you're reading them the riot act. Just sort of tell people what they need to here. That can sometimes lead to people bettering themselves & trying harder for their friends aka you. But again, this is easy for me to say since I've had a somewhat normal life. But I've found that even so people that I didn't even know that well seemed to appreciate how I was & we talk up once in a blue & I even have a few friends I can hangout w/ when I didn't for years.

I hope I'm not making this sound too simple or anything. I just think that someone like you who actually knows what she (or he, it's the internet so you never know XD) wants has the ability to obtain it since you're in a better place than before w/ the whole job & studying issues. So many people don't understand what they want or need or even worse they do but stick w/ lackluster people since they feel as though they can't do better or just plain don't know how. You seem driven & strong enough to deal w/ things that can be thrown at you so there's bound to be someone in the world that can recognize that about you. I know I admire that since I don't think I can ever put up w/ the stuff that you've mentioned. Stuff gets hard for everyone, & whenever I or someone I know goes through it I always tell them (or myself) "We live in a world of 7 billion people. Odds are atleast 1 will be there for you.". Sometimes it's not always that simple, but it's a fact & I think more people should think about that. Hope this helps. ^^;

KaenKazui
03-30-2013, 09:42 AM
Well, my problem in general is not getting to know people or befriending them. My main problem in general is, that people then seem to tend to depend on me, sooner or later. Not all, but quite some. And that's what always bugs me. I am supposed to always help them out, but it is always those people, whom I help out a lot, that won't help me out... Nor will do anything else.
And the problem with the "saying it flat out" stuff is... Girls tend to start to cry, very easily. Or they will go like "that's completely not true!"

By the way: Actually one thing, those guys and gals always have in common, is that they are very, very, very close to their mother. Too close for their age. Makes me think: Maybe I should ask everybody about their relationship with their mother first.

But thank you. I appreciate your thoughts on this :)

Lagarmon
03-30-2013, 10:51 AM
I think the "relationship w/ their mom" thing can be somewhat of a coincidence. Though that depends on what you mean by "too close". As for being straight forward, I don't like playing stereotypes. Sure, mostly girls react like that. But guys do as well. I think people in general just don't like dealing w/ their problems & would rather go through the motions instead of trying to improve themselves for their own sake as well as for the sake of others. You'll see people that accept help w/ no intention of giving any or nearly as much as needed acting this way as well.

People might give you crap for speaking out & telling people what they need to hear whether they like it or not. People will think you have this "holier than thou" (I totally stole that from TV Tropes XD) attitude when you really are just weeding out good people & bad people. Does leeching off of someone seem like something a good person would do? Would a bad person take time from their day to help you out w/ whatever it is you need? Like I said I don't have a whole lot of friends. There could be many reasons for that, but it is what it is. And sometimes my friends don't like the confrontational way I am either. But the friends that I do have I've found because of who I am & by keeping this strong-but-fair attitude. These are people that I enjoy being around. Not just "I gotta hangout w/ someone today. I'll see _____ but she'll __________ to me. Screw it, I'm gonna call her up.". These aren't friends. And as I mentioned before you seem strong enough & smart enough to keep rolling w/ the punches so all that's needed from you is patience. You'll eventually find good people to have in your life & it'll be so worth it, no matter how long you waited.

Glad to see you're okay w/ what I've been saying. Again, I hope things get better.